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:: Friday, June 29, 2001 ::

more coffee
can't seem to shake the sleepiness that's overcome me since lunch (msg in the chinese food? generic food in belly? what?). but glad to be home and plugging away at projects. mixture of anticipation (cool ideas running in my head, sketching thoughts, trying to make sense of far too much text -- how to present it so it makes sense and interacts with the space most effectively?) and anxiety (will I fail? will I? huh???).

but it's good to be home. the grumpy baby child is home and listening to some version of soft rock in the kitchen. hopefully he will be social and inflict his "love songs after dark" on someone else. even so, I am glad to be home.
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rural shtick
despite my imagined life in the country (calm, lots of painting, meditative, zen-like), I'm finding that I don't react to the expansive silence as well as I'd like. instead, the huge staticky silence on my sell phone, and the lack of connectivity (why won't my webmail WORK?!) makes me one big anxious mess.

i forced myself to stop and enjoy pt reyes -- instead of rushing from computer to photocopier to computer and back home again -- i went for a walk. yep, it made my day about 1-2 hours longer (grr, and without pay, at that -- this hourly wage servitude is hard to get reacquainted with...). and yes, my sore foot flared up (i need to get on some insurance...). but it was blissful. trees, deer, vultures, quail, bubbly creek, gorgeous yellow hills. I think I could eat the hills out there with a spoon. something about the yellow hills, perhaps cuz my childhood (what I remember) involved similar dry extremely flammable hills. but just something about them grabs a hold of me. i've never loved a landscape as much as these damn hills. perhaps i do have a land, a home, a country that resonates within me. whoda thunk it?
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translucent
funny how some people are (or seem) so sweet and sincere that they are fairly translucent, in a weird glowy kinda way that has nothing to do with auras, and everything to do with (probably) moisturizer. funny too how some people seem so familiar, whether it be because of similarities, or nothing so explicable...

-sigh-

kellykellyo! i think i've found someone who's stealing your raw materials. or she's a younger, not identical doppelganger (yes, I know that doesn't make any sense).

:: ewee 5:12:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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:: Thursday, June 28, 2001 ::
down: f@#$! the positive attitude. just not happy with this sich, and that's all there is to it. now to get about finishing things... harrrumph!

:: ewee 3:29:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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:: Tuesday, June 26, 2001 ::
my regularly scheduled life
aaaah. finished reading Alice Water's The Same River Twice -- good inspirational fodder for the mind and spirit. I love that she has anxiety dreams, struggles, and great huge universal understandings (the broad view, rather than the narrow). Her writing feels so intimate and political. Somehow, she infuses her work with not only her skills, but also with the passion of her beliefs. And there's always the fact that she's got a little Satchmo clone of her own (get the book, lookit the back cover).

also reading the lemony snicket series (read book one -- fab! and QUICK!), umberto eco's serendipities: language and lunacy (slower going, but good for my brain), and julia alvarez's in the name of Salomé (thanks dees!)

also looks like the qkfp (qk family project, "woori ddahl, woori aduhl"...) site is up! many many props to everyone who worked on the project. now, get the word out there, cuz we've only just begun. and check out the postcards, it's my insane little 2am drawing. I'll get a desktop up soonish (no promises).
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company
speaking of the moleyest, had the feeling that my sweet girl was in the doorway, waiting for me when I returned last night. got a little sad, but had a nice night accompanied by memories of Satch waggling her hellos and following me around. even this morning, as I swept outside, I couldn't help but smile as I recalled how put out she'd be when I swept the sidewalk (she'd go up the stairs and wait for someone to let her into the apartment. guess menial labor was not for her). trying to enjoy this feeling of her presence, even if it's only memories, it's nice to have her doggie smile nearby.

today, mina and bask are hanging out with me as their moms earn the (fakin) bacon, and mina has finally settled down (on the bed) and seems restful. she had a horrifying little snack today -- I won't share it with you, as it was a bit scarring for my psyche -- so I'm glad she's finally sleeping (don't worry, mizbleu, it was more the idea than the fact that upset me).
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twice proud
rode through pride *twice* and despite stalls and such it was FUN!. visceral understanding of my sweet air cooled bike as my vinyl pants melted onto the overheating engine more than once. but that was the least of my attire worries (involving a very inadvertent breezy seat of my pants). my life lesson seems to be humilty and humor.

all in all, a good weekend despite sleep deprivation. and so damn glad to be back in my regularly scheduled life. still heading up to pt. reyes on a regular basis, but back to rooting myself in this insane little hilly town that's becoming home for me...
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usofyne
highly recommended. and well timed (needed the props today...). loved the message they sent so much, I thought I had to share it with you (edited for length, getchureown). go check it out yourself, and make yourself or someone you love happy (thanksthanksthanks to jill for the link).
Spank yourself, you smoking gun of love!!

That’s right, take that hand and slap that precious ass of yours, ‘cause I don’t care what’s hitting your happy, nothing should ever get an ego as divine in the soul and the mind as yours down. And don’t get me wrong, there’s gotta be a fluke in the system if it ain’t tropical sunny, with the breezy love and the umbrella drinks and the good looking peeps traipsing around in delight where you’re at.

Word to your booty,

D’Honey Slim
usoFyne co-founder
blowing sunshine up your ass since 2000

:: ewee 12:17:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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:: Thursday, June 21, 2001 ::
i live in a lighthouse
only for another coupla days, and i've been working too much to really relax, but you can still be jealous. yes it's gorgeous. deer and baby bambi deer, bat rays (15-20) gliding in silently, vultures, bunnies, strangely drunken oppossums (how do you pluralize that?), and tule elk. yes indeed, you may be jealous now. just spent the evening talking (listening) shop with some nat. park and nat. forest folk. pretty interesting stuff. proves that every job has it's own shop talk.

there are only two snowy plover nests this year, so do take care and avoid their nests if you're up at pt. reyes. still feel strongly about finding balance in allowing dogs into parks (not, however in the snowy plover nesting areas -- esp. abbotts lagoon), but that's a whole 'nother conversation. will regale you with more stories when my eyes stay open more reliably.

and of course, happy happy pride

:: ewee 12:36:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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:: Thursday, June 14, 2001 ::

:: ewee 1:34:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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:: Wednesday, June 13, 2001 ::
scrapple
suddenly wanting scrapple. grease and random joy. can practically taste and smell the heavy fatty flavors. scratch and sniff corned beef hash? so sleepy and productive. trying to keep ahead of the work, and glad for the work. hope that all the work pays off (literally). accepted the pt. reyes summer camp job. i'm going to camp! didn't realize just how busy this next week was going to be, but am also gonna live in the lighthouse for a week. and yes, i'm excited as all hell.

scrapple also seem appropos of my state of mind / writing style (such as it is). realizing that i can pretty much touch type (without too many errors). when did that happen? of course it's be a little harder if i bothered to capitalize or use punctuation properly.

:: ewee 12:47:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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:: Monday, June 11, 2001 ::
cultural?
ok. most surreal moment in a korean video (besides the random sprinkling of english in the dialogue): a korean band singing "la bamba" followed by the beatles in the background music.

:: ewee 10:41:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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working
well, I'm not, I'm blogging. but i needed a break. actually, what i need is chinese food delivered to my door, but i'm outta cash. so what i need is cash and chinese food delivered to my door. oh well. doesn't look too promising.

so i've been working at the pt. reyes summer camp. good and hectic work environment. just like i like it. one of those jobs that takes lotsa lists (yep, i love lists). today, we went to costco (no link to them, sorry) and bought more stuff than you can imagine...
...

whine
but here's the complainy part (nothing to do with camp, which is still insane and fun, but back to this camp gig in a sec).

sigh.

while at costco, i got it into my head to purchase a snazzy new boogie board fer someone. we'll call her "her". and i was all gleeful at the thought of surprising her with said boogie board. but alas. it might as well have been for naught. an hour or so of what was for me quite zen-like waiting (and this is after the receipt of said surprise), and nada but a cursory brush-off. oh, there must've been a thanks or some such gruff indication of gratitude. said hour being enough time to wait at the tail end of an hour+ commute, and no dinner, i went home.

and so now i am home and hungry and grumpy.

sigh. that wasn't really post-worthy, was it?
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campy
so this camp is a whole lotta fun, well, in the way that office/admin gigs can be fun. productive and busy, and the important one, it covers rent. which is helpful, as I piece together my new life as a freelancer (have I shown you my portfolio?). the tough thing is, what next? which is the other reason I was trying to catch up with the aforementioned "her" -- to try and figure some of our plans for the summer out. but all-in-all, it's been good to work hard and furiously. we've got just a few days left to pull some shit together, and something in me is really grooving on the admin thing. is that normal?
...

whine (II)
the other thing that has me grumpy as all hell is my roommate (who's in the kitchen right now). and i'm grumpy enough i'm gonna go on about it here.

not sure what I've done exactly. something along the lines of crossing lines i never new existed -- i.e. my/his half of the fridge, my/his half of the TOP of the fridge, my/his half of the fridge door, my/his half of the toilet seat -- ok, not the toilet seat, but I did have to listen to him for 30 MINUTES about how i needed to flush the toilet after he'd used it, if i came in before he'd flushed it. and strangely, all the trash cans (there were only two, but still) are missing. apparently, we now have separate trash bins. fine with me, as I find a plastic bag fills my requirements famously.

the funny (in a patently nonfunny way) thing is -- he hasn't talked to me in WEEKS. which, considering the conversations we'd been having, isn't so bad. if you thought the toilet conversation was bad, you shoulda been there for the "conversation" (not argument, as he'll scream and yell that he's [1.] not mad, and [2.] not angry) when he tried to explaing that making dinner on the night beofre a workday with my gf is what was hard for him (note: it did NOT annoy, anger, irritate, upset, or make him mad). of course, the fact that I made lunch (around 1pm, but i'd say that safely falls into the lunch classification) and brought to my gf for her to eat on a saturday (not dinner, not using the kitchen with gf, not the day/evening before a workday) had little bearing on the matter.

was that confusing? good, now you know what I'm feeling

so the last thing I wanna do is go into my kitchen. for the first week or two, I'd say "HI!" really loudly and ask him direct questions (nice ones, like "would you like some of these yummy oranges?") just to force him into some semblance of civility. it didn't work. he'd just mutter meanly about how he "didn't want to talk" and then stomp off.

of course, i'm not allowed to stomp. neither is my gf. of course, it's not because he minds. no, it's because he's noticed how loud it is for our neighbors.

so feel free to save me.
...

oh yeah
and i forgot to mention the brilliant guy who threatened to shoot us for kayaking in his space. his mom (also muttering at us, but not threating our lives) assured me that they don't own any .45's (the gun he'd mentioned), but they sure owned a lotta .357's. guess that was meant to be reassuring.
me: but .357's are smaller, right?
meanmomlady: weeeellll, they're more powerful. more PENETRATING power
yeah, real reassuring. guess they weren't too worried about being a parody of sorts. just for kicks, I told her that there was no way I was bringing my church group to that lake, as a group of young women would be more frightened than even i was by such threatening behavior. hope they go to confession for that one (not likely, but made me happy).

but really, it was mainly a glorious weekend. and i am gonna hafta go try and eat now.

:: ewee 9:17:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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:: Tuesday, June 05, 2001 ::
satchmo.com: another link of no consequence

:: ewee 1:57:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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zuperbad!
[needed a break from all that serious shit]

:: ewee 1:47:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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FirstGov for Workers - Jobs - Work for Yourself: more handy dandy links for freelance folks.

:: ewee 1:38:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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Freelancing in the Web World: still love webmonkey for this kinda shit.

:: ewee 1:27:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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Tax Topic 355, Estimated Tax - IRS: uh oh. do i need to send in taxes on june 15th???.... (anyone anyone?)

:: ewee 1:22:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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employers.gov: how to set up your own business and all that...

:: ewee 1:22:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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contesty
so i entered the blog template contest. it's essentially my blog template cleaned up a bit. will have to change this one if it wins, oh well, that will be a happy inconvenience, eh?
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point and such
had relaxing yet stressful weekend up in Fairfax and Pt. Reyes -- went on a full moon kayak trip out of sausalito -- which was sweet and fun, but not nearly as cold or romantic as I'd hoped. visited the lighthouse at pt. reyes for the first time, and tried not to get blown away.

on the stressful front -- our friend's kitty hunkered down under the shed out back, and we waited over 7 hours to no avail, bribing her with coq au vin (lisa's recipe, and quite good!), canned food, and crunchies. ah well, just confirms that I'm a dog person.


but we managed to get back into the city in time for a smansy dinner at Farallon. our waiter was sweet and provided us with a steady stream of stories and tidbits of food. and the meal was pretty damn exquisite.

:: ewee 12:18:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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:: Friday, June 01, 2001 ::
skip
[thanks grace, for that tidbit]

:: ewee 2:52:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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give money and soju!
this was a request i received via email. even in context it has to be one of the best requests i've ever received...

:: ewee 2:44:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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admin=i damn=mad in
phew. big ole day of admin and such. finally catching up to myself. now i can actually do some work. aah, clutter and email.

:: ewee 2:43:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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